Cap-and-Trade Debate

Environmentalist: All right: where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead.


Economist: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.


Environmentalist: Truly, you have a dazzling intellect! You've made your decision, then?


Economist: Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled by criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.


Environmentalist: You're just stalling now.


Economist: You'd like to think that wouldn't you! You've bested my giant which means you are exceptionally strong and you might be relying on your strength to save you, in which case you put the poison into your own goblet. But you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you have studied and in studying you learned that man is mortal in which case you put the poison as far from yourself as possible ... But, ah my! What in the world can that be?


Environmentalist: What, where?


Economist: Oh, ha ha. I could have sworn I saw something. No mater, ha ha ha. Let's drink! Me from my glass, you from yours.


(They drink.)


Environmentalist: You guess wrong. What's so funny?


Economist: You only think I guessed wrong! Ha ha ha. I switched glasses while your back was turned! You've fallen victim to one of the classic blunders!!! The first is never to get involved in a land war in Asia! The second, and only slightly less well known, is never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!!! Ha ha ha Ha ha, Aaackk!


(He dies from the poison in his cup. Both cups were poisoned)